Kampung Girl

There is something about rain falling outside while I sit inside, all snug and warm, my stomach full of the nice porridge and chicken soup after lunch that makes me feel happy and contented. I slept well last night, no datelines to meet, no meetings to manage, no where I have to be, just me and myself and I. Back home. Its dirty and needs a thorough cleaning after being away for the past few weeks and I am not sure if I have furry little creatures that moved inside while I'm away but the feeling of returning home, after staying in Jakarta for so long that feels like homecoming. Everything is lovely and cute.

I'm also tired and fuzzy headed after working late nights the past 2 weeks while rushing for a tender submission and juggling too many meetings in any given day. Which means these couple of days at home is going to be great for some rest, relaxation and rejuvenation.

So go on, thunder and lightning, do your worst.

My first week in Jakarta (officially first week) requires a bit of mental change of gear. From being a business traveller that kinda zips up and down Jakarta and Singapore and back again, I had to tune into the idea that I need a build a home for the next 3 months here in Jakarta. So, what do you do to build a home?

First, you bring a big chinese kitchen knife - the kind that gets you stopped at customs and you had to explain that it was a necessary part of your move. Then, you try and settle in and this week has been a little challenging as I had to check in and out of hotels 3x but hey, third time lucky, so I am finally "home" ie in Kristal Hotel, a 2bedroom service apartment near the office whom my colleague called "maybe a little boring as it is in the suburbs" but if last night's loud thumping beat at 2am in the morning whilst in Kemang keeping me awake is anything to go by, suburbia bliss is good. Finally, I get to do my laundry (after living out of a bag for a week) and now, for the grand finale - the cooking starts. I brought along my trusty new kitchen knife, along with organic rock salt from himalaya (don't ask) and my Sarawak white pepper (ok, ok, i know Indonesia is where the spice islands are, but until I get to try white pepper from Ambon, I'll go with Sarawak) and of course, my juicer - clearly, an essential piece of equipment - as I am eating chilli and meat all day long and already need to battle pimples (at my age!) so going to carrot juice my way to health. Do I not sound like an aunty?

I also managed to lay out all my little bottles on the vanity and my clothes are in the drawers and I am online. Now, this is starting to feel like home (hahaha). Mum might not want to visit (given her less than favourable impression of Indonesia following the Bandung initiation) but hey, I hope jie and kim and anyone else might wanna. I have a spare bedroom with a guest bathroom so, its cosy and nice. Reminds me of my first place at 14 drury lane when I did my first posting to London 10 years back. Oh boy, it has been 10 years ya...hmmm. That was a fun assignment. And I hope this one is going to be as well.

So far, first week has been a roller coaster ride. I have no idea what's going to happen when I wake up in the morning. That's good. Keeps things exciting and you have to move fast. I like my colleagues and my workplace. So, finally, I'm settled in and ready to rock and roll.

I am listening to the soundtrack of "Breaking Dawn" while debating with myself whether setting a blog on new year's eve is necessary a good thing. The trip home this week was good. Met up with friends twice and it felt like I was 17 again. We immediately sat down and started to behave like we were back in high school. It has been 20 years since we left our last classrooms but I don't feel any older. Funny thing, this age thing...I look into the mirror in the morning and the face that looks back at me have a few more wrinkles and laugh lines but it is essentially the same face and the faces of those around me this week are also essentially the same. Someone told me once that laugh lines are good, it adds character and that is certainly something to look forward to.

I hope the new year will bring many more opportunities to sit down with family and friends to have dinner and laugh and joke about nonsensical things. To push away the veil of time, the stress of work, the demands of living each day so that we can mark the passage of time with the simple gift of each others' company. That I would surrender myself to what each new day would bring and to rejoice in being alive and that all is well. I hope to be able to cultivate mindfulness and grace under pressure, to be a kinder and gentler person (now, this is going to be tough!) and to be there for my family and my friends without sacrificing myself. I just want to live a quiet, normal life with no dramas.Hopefully, that's not asking too much of the new year.

Happy New Year to all! May the new year bring glad tidings and good cheer :)

Decembers always makes me want to slow down and reflect on how I have lived in the past year. Because its time to dig out that new year resolution, which I haven't been updating for the past few years, to figure out if I've lived well at least, well enough to suit my conscience, hahaha.

Let's see what went well:

Mum is doing well, my younger sister has gotten married and my younger brother is in his second year in university!

I live where I live nowadays. It was a bit of a crazy stunt to choose to move out to Nusajaya and commute each day to work but one year+ on, its working out well. My life has settled into a nice routine and I like waking up to birds singing and chirping every weekend. I can do without the dust and noise from construction nearby but that too shall pass. I am looking forward to turning this house into a home. I have not yet managed to do any work on it so, it still looks semi-moved in on account of boxes not yet unpacked but I've discovered that hey, if you don't miss it, you probably don't need them anyway. Now, I just need to move the boxes to the store room and 10 years on, you might have a pleasant surprise when you open them up, hahaha.

I also like my new job sans the crazy travel schedule, I have a great boss (will miss him when he moves on) and some great colleagues. Indonesia is a great country, cowboy town where people are still able to feel the energy of making great things happen. Minus the machat (bad traffic jams), you have great food, great weather, economic growth and as Steve Job's put it "stay hungry, stay foolish" is still the mantra because people are still crazy enough to believe that they can be millionaires and some do.

I like my new body. I seriously recommend looking after your body and spending the money to detox, destress, de-everything because I feel great when I wake up and I love being able to buy clothes that really fit. I used to be envious of women who are naturally slim but I realise there is nothing natural about it. You just need to do what is necessary to get your body to behave. And in my case, I need all the help I can get.

What were the lowlights: The start of the year was extremely stressful. The project I was on was gathering momentum towards Go-Live on 1st April and there were late nights, weekend work and I had to work over Chinese New Year. There was no time for anything else. I just had to duck, keep my head down, focus and just survive for the first 5 months of the year. Then, holidays in June where there was a big bomb dropped and aftershocks felt for the next few months, even now but I think my family is coping...

Where do I want to be:It would be nice to bottle up my very zen attitude now and stay like this. Maroon 5's "Sunday morning" kind of describes the feeling I'm in. I love the song because I love the feeling it evokes. There is no rush to be or do anything. I should start packing for this evening and iron my clothes and attend to the million and one chores that await me but for now, I'm not fussed and I am not rushing to get started. 

Its been ages since I last blogged. Its been ages since I last felt like blogging. Its been ages since I had broadband service at home, hahaha. There is something remarkably therapeutic about sitting down in your dining room with the sound of the rain falling gently outside as the evening stretches before you. My grass needs serious work. I have never had a green thumb. Everything my mum passes to me that is remotely alive and green, invariably turns yellow, shrivel up and dies. Now, with my lawn turning yellow, I'm wondering if this blessed rain would finally save my grass from turning up dead. I am deeply preoccupied with the state of my lawn for some reason. Its the only living thing in the house and cockroaches and mosquitoes don't count because I kill them on a regular basis. Survival traits of living in the wild :)

My mother is the bravest woman I've ever met. Since my dad's passing 8 years ago, she had to learn how to drive, bring up her youngest son and still bring home the bacon. Turning 60 hardly slowed her down. We (ie my sisters and I) mooted the idea of a big birthday bash to celebrate and her initial reaction was to have a quiet little vegetarian dinner. Very chai but definitely too "holy" for most of us younger folks.

So, we rounded up the family and many phonecalls and whispered converations later, we gathered at my cousin's Yik Kee restaurant at Taman Tun Dr Ismail to have a dinner to remember. Her best friend, Aunty Lai Yong roped her son in to help design the grand 2kg birthday cake complete with the "Sou Ji" (longevity) which he had to painstakingly learn to write in icing. My cousin had to be directed via my 2nd aunty to change the chicken to "Village Chicken" and numerous tweaks on the menu before it got finalised. And the attendance list kept fluctuating all the way until the evening itself.

Finally, it's dinner time. Armed with enough red wine to turn everyone into a blushing bride, we proceeded to enjoy the food and the company. Ah Yee outdid herself with wishing my mum many-many goodwishes all in cantonese which her ah moh daughters were not able to provide. But we did managed to take lots of photos, with everyone dressed to the nighs including photos of my dashing younger brother in ala Charlie's Angels. And my mother smiled and laughed as we sang first in English, then, in Mandarin and finally, in Canto-pop as the birthday cake got lighted up.

It was a night to remember. Not often we get to celebrate our birthday in such style and with everyone turning up. It was nice to see everyone together in one room. Definitely worth repeating, mum says, for her 70th. I think mum had fun. She sounded happy even as we drove off on Sunday morning. My younger sister, Chee Hwei back to Sydney and me, back to Singapore.

Thai politics flared up last week with protestors and the police clashing. Apparently, the police fired tear gas. And the unarmed protestors started a pitch fight. And there was fire and smoke. When the chaos cleared, 2 dead and hundreds injured. All because the new PM had wanted to give his opening policy address at the government house, when he jolly well could have given it at any other location. The streets of Bangkok were eerily silent on Tuesday and Wednesday night as everyone stayed home in case there was going to be more violence on the streets. Even the tourists stayed indoors.

I watched the news and read the Bangkok Post and wonder if this stalemate will tear the country into two. The protest leaders, 2 of them were arrested and the other 7 gave themselves up. They were later released on bail. I spoke to a colleague who told me that the protestors will never quit until someone who is not related to Taksin comes into power.

The land of smiles is also a land full of mystery because if you explore the issue, you realise that it like Malaysian politics, shadow play, nothing is ever what it is presented to the rest of the world to see. You have Taksin who is widely praised for bringing progress and prosperity and had a vision for TH who ran Thailand like any CEO of a big corporation would do. Strong command and control structure. Invest in the future. Set up infrastructure ie BTS, Metro, new Suvarnabhumi airport, building elevated expressways to ease BKK's perennial traffic congestion. Against accusations of tax evasion (when he sold of Shin Corp to Temasek), vote buying, vote rigging and attempts to rewrite the constitution and worst of all, disrespect to the monarchy.

I have great respect for the King and the royal family and all the good that he has done for the country. But the powerful elites who now wants Taksin and his PM-reps out of office, has so far not done anything significant to improve the welfare of those outside of BKK and the traditional elite circle. They couldn't point to a track record where roads, schools, healthcare for the poor were built because they had been in power. And now, they want to turn Thailand's democracy into a majority-appointed council or senate.

Why should the majority of the Thais choose that over democracy where they currently hold the upper hand? I just don't get it. Just because they were yellow ie represent the King...when the Princess already said that the Royal Family has got nothing to do with what is happening in the government house.

So, what gives? The Thais traditionally adopt a Jai Yen attitude - a calm acceptance of that comes from a Buddhist philosophy of non-attachment and willingness to adapt to whatever that comes. But underneath that JaiYen attitude, there is a lot of feeling that goes unexpressed. These unarticulated feelings then manifests itself in emotional outbursts and irrational behaviour.

If the Thais are ever to resolve this stalemate, they must be prepared to have communicate, to have a dialogue around what appears to the root cause of the problem and find ways and means that are acceptable to deal with it. Just because you have a group of people sitting in protest does not make you right. Everyone wants what is good for Thailand but can't agree on what is good for Thailand now. It's time to negotiate because the longer they stay camped out in the government house, the less they are able to deal with the fallout from the global financial crisis and the more they hurt the tourism industry.

If the protestors have a plan to help Thailand besides the one agenda to ensure Taksin never has a rep in power, then, let them speak and be heard. And no-one changes the constitution. No one. Not Taksin or his rep or the ones protesting in the government house. Changing the constitution is just cheating - an easy way out from having to explain what's going on.

There should be democracy for the masses, but if the elites are so concerned about abuse of power because the masses are uneducated and uninformed and open to vote-buying, then by all means, let's do what the American's and Brits do and invite the House of Senate or House of Lords to meet and debate certain legislations before it can get passed. I'm all for having the rich elites make use of their highly educated brains for the good of the people. Let there be transparency over the use of government funds and the state coffers. It shouldn't be only pro-Taksin supporters, his family and friends who have access to government tenders and contracts being awarded. That is also, very unfair.

Am I missing anything here? I am writing just so I can understand the issues a little better because clearly it's a convoluted drama filled with many actors. I'm not Thai but the more I go to Thailand, the more I feel like a little bit more Thai. I hope the ASEAN grouping (maybe Singapore) might be able to help mediate before anything else happens. And perhaps, there might be reconciliation between the pro-Taksin and the anti-Taksin groups which would be a very nice ending to this tale.

The Pearl of the Orient. I drove back home last Friday and bright and early, set off with mummy and dajie to the great pearl of the orient. Stopping along the way at Bidor to have brunch at a great duck noodle place off the main road, it was a girls' only roadtrip to spend time away from home and work and stress. And for the girls to reconnect.

My sister took the stretch from Ipoh to Taiping to Penang, which was winding and in some places rather tight in terms of cornering. Ipoh is beautiful with the many limestone hills and the green-green virgin forests. We soon arrived in Penang and crossed the famous Penang Bridge which is now being reinforced with additional steel support as the load has increased somewhat from what the original bridge was built for. We headed to find ChiangFattTze Mansion (or the Blue Mansion) and soon got hopelessly lost in the twisted winding streets of old Penang town. All roads lead to Komtar or McAllister St as we soon discovered. After the 6th time around Komtar, we spotted something blue. By then, we had called 3x to ask for directions and I was fighting a losing battle with mum and dajie about where we were staying for the night.

We finally arrived at the Blue Mansion and my mum and sister decided that the "Yan San" (creepy atmosphere) was wayyyy too high and we were not staying the night. Stories of staying in a wonderful renovated award-winning traditional chinese courtyard house, home to the "Last Mandarin and First Capitalist" of China (my sister and mum never saw the website: www.cheongfatttzemansion.com), they just wanted out of there.

So, we checked into the very nice, very bland, very modern Laurel Evergreen at Gurney Drive. My mum decided that I have had too much nice overseas trips on company expense to want to forgo the luxury of a business class hotel for the cosiness of the Blue Mansion. It could be the lightbulbs, or the smell in the room, or that it was not air conditioned. Anyway, it was done.

The food in Penang is BRILLIANT. My vegan diet went out of the window as I gaze about the open air hawker stalls in busy Gurney Drive hawker centre. People-people everywhere and mountains of food. I had a bowl of Penang Assam Laksa, just spicy and sour enough to get your feet curling with oodles of fresh rice noodles with mint and cucumber slices mixed with flakes of sardine or mackerel. Mummy disappeared into the crowd and dajie came back with a plate of stir-fried oyster. We ate and ate and didn't stop.

As we walk along the Gurney Drive Esplanade, there were groups of youth, family hanging out just having fun, my sister picked up a huge watergun for the kids and another dessert to share, we walked out in silence mostly interspiced with pockets of conversation about nothing in particular. We spied at the Crepe Cottage, this little malay kampung house on stilts that has been converted into an air-conditioned dessert place with an open kitchen and marvelled how lucky Penangites are to still enjoy great food at decent prices!

It was also lucky that we drove because that allowed us to explore the old Georgetown in relative comfort. The taxis were many but it's much more convenient to get lost (my Malaysia state-by-state map didn't have a very detailed map of Georgetown) and find our way around from there. After all, it's an island, not like you can get very far without hitting the sea. The CityHall area has the old Fort Cornwallis and the Chief Minister's House (but no chief minister ever lived there) and some money had been spent to refurbished them sufficiently to look presentable. The Eastern and Oriental Hotel was the equivalent (if not grander version) of Raffles Hotel here in SIngapore. The banking district was near Cityhall and the banks (Citibank, Maybank, OCBC mainly clustered around there)....drive a little further along Lebuh Pantai, you get to see LIttle India and the preparations for Deepvali were in full swing...then, a bit further on, you get the old gudong area where shophouses ala Clarke Quay and Boat Quay where lawyers firms and hardware and import-export businesses still operate out of.

All roads lead to Komtar and we drove into McAllister Road and admired the many foodie stalls there next to the very pink KuanYin Temple. There were many motorbikes and trishaw operators, all of whom made driving a bit of a hazard, especially since my dajie keeps exclaiming "oooh, there goes another famous place to have Penang Char Kway Teow".

We left heavier than we arrived. Did the tourist thing and went to the Ghee Hiang to have the one and only Penang chickpea biscuits. And then, 12 pomelos later at Ipoh Simpang Pulai rest stop. Dropped off mum and jie and continued back to Singapore. Took leave on Monday. Cannot get out of bed. Lucky today is Hari Raya. And lucky that I was driving against traffic otherwise, it would have been a difficult trip. As it is, I got to drive up north, enjoy the sights and sounds of Gurney Drive (now, very hip and happening), saw bits of old Georgetown, spent time with Mum and Dajie and ate loads. Can't think of a better way to spend my weekend.

There is something to be said for being part of a large family. And having a family reunion after an absence of 18 years.

18 years ago, my aunty left Malaysia with her two little grand-daughters. 18 years later, they landed in Singapore. For 10 days, various family members streamed into my little flat. They walked down memory lane and laughed and chatted and exchanged gossip and talked about how life had changed/not changed them in the past 18 years.

I came across Dad-lookalikes, uncles and cousins who looked like dad would have looked if he is still around. It was slightly unnerving. The cousins are all grown-up, hip and tall, sported accents and after living abroad for so long, a healthy Canadian attitude. My grandma had 11 kids. The aunty in JB 9 kids. They had all grown up and had kids and for a few days, there were plenty of Hakka being spoken, Hakka dishes being made (playing "masak-masak" was a favourite pasttime) and Hakka stories to be told.

Hakka story #1: My grandfather left China during the Mongolian uprising. He was the only son of a landowner family and had to leave. I think he left behind his first wife and firstborn son. Once he landed in Malaya, he became a schoolteacher and met and married my grandmother who was also another Hakka woman, a Chin from Ipoh - from a medical hall family. They settled in Seremban and had 11 children - 6 sons, 5 daughters. My father was the 5th son.

Hakka story #2: The third son of first story was tall dark and handsome, married a beautiful sweet young woman. They had 3 sons and 1 daughter. The daughter left Malaysia to study in Canada and decided not to return. 18 years ago, something bad happened and the family separated. The third son of the third son left the country with his 2 daughters and his mother.

Hakka story #3: The third son had a wife and 2 daughters. For some reason, the wife left him to marry another man. He met a Korean woman and they had 2 kids. For some other reasons, things didn't worked out. He is now with another Malaysian woman and they have 3 sons.

Hakka story #4: The grandmother brought up the 2 granddaughters. Between Canada and North America, they travelled. Grandma became a housekeeper and the two girls grew up to become MaggieQ-lookalikes. Both are in the fashion industry.

Hakka story #5: The daughter who stayed in Canada got married and had 2 daughters. They are now studying. One for her Masters degree in NYU and undergraduate studies in King's College, London.

If I could describe the one scene that represented the Hakka stories, it would be when I came home around midnight after sending a small group to DowntownEast for the night and found the house brightly lit, two dozen people sitting around the dining table, talking loudly in Hakka, laughing...I was a child again...listening to my mummy talking excitedly to my mummy's friends and my daddy's cousins....I crept in unnoticed and fell asleep accompanied by the chit-chat and laughter. They kept going until 3am and these are folks that usually goes to bed early like 9pm.

The telling and retelling of Hakka stories around the dining table is an essential component of this family reunion. These stories are about those who had walked life journey's ahead of me. In many ways, listening to these Hakka stories made it possible for me to understand my roots and why I am the way I am. I'm a romantic at heart. I want to know what happened before. These stories are better than TVB serial dramas because they are real and real people lived through them. 20 years later when I have my own family gathering around my dining table, hopefully there will be laughter too.

My second trip to Jakarta happened last week. Had to go into help with one of the projects that was under some challenge from tight resources and managed to turn it around but it was a tiring trip. You usually wake up early, work-work-work through the day, have dinner outside and then, head back to the hotel to check emails and work some more before collapsing in bed. Hotel Mulia Senayan is really grand and relatively affordable in the heart of Jakarta's business centre. Let's just say travelling for work and travelling for fun is just different. For dinner, we managed to visit the nearby Senayan Citi and Pacific Place. The latest newest hippest shopping and culinary experiences to be found south of Singapore.

You look and see the huge disparity between the haves-and-the-have-nots. At Pacific Place, the latest trendiest brands and at the roadsides and busy warungs, people eke out a living selling simple dishes or hawking newspapers at busy intersections or work as car park attendants. The roads are narrow and congested with many cars while big houses with tall strong walls barricade the rich against the poverty of the streets.

My colleagues says that Jakarta has 10millions souls, a fraction of them, very-very rich so, they send their children overseas to study English and get good jobs. Those who were born into poor families have little of these opportunities and have to struggle to make ends meet. The shopping malls are driven by the expats spending here because of the petrochemical industry....Yet, Indonesia is a net importer of oil despite having oil reserves, somehow oil drilling didn't take off because of corruption and bureaucratic inefficiencies. The fight against corruption is on but the road to recovery is long. Remember the name Megahwati Indahyani - the lady who within 4 months in office had the Head of Customs and Tax removed for corruption. She is revamping Indonesia's civil service, one department at a time. And the people are cheering her on. There is a huge underground triad - rich businessman which if you dig a little bit will reveal their cashcow generators are from slightly dubious industries like illegal gambling and you know that the funds are being diverted into some other fund aside from education, health and well-being of the people.

The Indonesians laugh and say Malaysia is going the way of Indonesia at the rate of corruption and judicial interference. Tonight's news shows the Speaker of the House stopping the motion of "no confidence" vote debate tabled by the head of the Opposition due to some technicality. The entire opposition walked out. The police grid-locked the roads leading to the Parliment for the past 3 days resulting in a standstill in traffic.

We need a Megahwati Indahyani of our own. Less talk, more action please. Just do the job you are elected to do. Scrutinise the budget, cut out excesses, find a way of new, transparent way of awarding government contracts. Put competent people in charge. Less talk about race and rights. More about how to address the shrinking dollar and why Malaysia as a net exporter of oil still cannot see the profits from the oil tax from Petronas. Is it because as conspiry theorist put it, we have placed the nation's wealth in a 40year forward contract on teh basis of oil being USD 40 instead of the current USD143?

And thank you Anwar, Najib and Pak Lah for making us the laughing stock of the region. People shake their head and are not holding their breath for what is coming next. But I have faith. Faith that this process of revelation and debate will result in a better Malaysia. But I'm fast losing patience with the political game. Come on guys, get it together. And the Speaker of Parliment should really just allow the debate on the motion of no-confidence. People will have the debate in the mamat stalls anyway. You are only seen as another political gatekeeper trying to stem the tide of change. And no, I don't care what the Parliment rule books says. The rulebook is long overdue for an overhaul into plain English and Malay anyway.

Had to fly to BKK for a workshop this week.

Arrived at Dusit Thani Hotel in Central BKK to be greeted by friendly sawadekas and smiles and constant bowing. It was raining so, my plan to do a quick Divana spa treatment was dashed. Except wait...one of the smiling ladies kindly informed me that Devasarana Spa is right on the hotel premises so, off I trotted up long lines of stairs and lighted candles and scented rooms to paradise on the hands of an amah-like lady who informs me that my after my detox massage, I should not shower. So, I submit to being annointed with oil, and being kneaded like bread, and pounded like chop-suey...I had visions of smashed to-fu and wondered at some stage, why I didn't decide to do a nice relaxing Swedish treatment and recall that I was being adventurous this week? Certainly drifting off to sleep was a no-no, especially when my phone rang and my colleague announces that they were here. Half and hour early and I was naked and dripping with oil with an aunty standing next to me. Sigh. Fast forward and dinner and sleep and the workshop starts.

Juggling emails and 4 telecons and giving a 4 hour presentation in the space of 2 day later, I have touched down. The eagle is back and happy to be in her nest. I slept fitfully in BKK and was glad to be back to sleeping on my bed. It's been a long week.

The only peaceful space I got out of the BKK week was last night when after dinner with colleagues, I let the men go look at cameras and I took the monorail back from MBK National Stadium to Saen Daeong station. It was weird looking down you can see the famous BKK jam with cars not moving for 30-45mins and rows and rows of shopping malls and people-people everywhere. But there was a group of Thai youths at the BTS concourse practicing their dance moves and I went like, oh, yeah, like at the Esplanade....And suddenly realise that BKK is now modern. Everywhere there are construction work. And just at the Saen Daeong Station, there is a small agency with a big sign saying that you can apply for permit to work in THailand there, everything you need from translation services to notary of public services. Suddenly retiring in Thailand doesn't look like such an outlandish proposition after all. If the Europeans can do it, why not us? After all, the Thai language only have 9 tones,what is another 5 tones to the canto-english speaker? 

The spirit of the Thai people are still present. The frenetic activity have not stopped the ladies from looking gorgeous in their Thai silk and perfectly groomed. Their light make up merely enhances the serenity that really comes through. They refuse to get stressed up and raising your voice is a no-no. I would like to live in a place where getting stressed out is not an option.

And oh, everyone I spoke to were a bit pooh-pooh about Singapore. The Indonesians laughed at the tight rules and regulations and the way Singaporeans expect that the rest of the world are like that. The Pakistanis admits that they have to been hardy to withstand the challenges within the country. And the standing joke is that to take over the red dot, all that is needed is to send across the avian flu or malaria and Singapore as we know it will be wiped out. So, that made me aware of how the rest of the nationalities perceive Singapore. Very small, quite unique, not necessarily relevant. All the noise you read about in the newspaper are just that. Noise. The rest of the world has better things to do than listen to Singaporean complain about ERP charges, property prices and rising cost of living. They have bigger things to worry about.

And oh, the scandals rocking Malaysia are making them think that Malaysia is going the way of Indonesia. If Malaysia's politicians don't stop this power struggle and concentrate on doing the job they were elected into office to do, we would go the way of Indonesia. The reason why Bambang was able to raise price hike by 40% is mainly that the people still trust him. I wonder what is the level of trust between the average Malaysian citizen and the political leaders busy slugging it out? Quite low, me thinks.

And oh, I have a favourite new drink. Hot lemongrass tea. I think of it as a local version of camomile tea - cheaper and more therapeutic too.

My mother makes the best 'chang', I swear. This year, for some strange unfanthomable reason, I had to have some chang. 'Chung' festival was 2 weeks ago but mum was kind enough to make a special batch for me so, I drove home this weekend and arrived to be greeted by 2 newly made bundles of chung.

The savoury chung (the kind I like) is painstakingly made. I've seen it before and usually starts weeks beforehand when my mum carefully picks out the white rice from the matted rice as the best chung has the even texture that comes from only having the purest handpicked rice. The rice is then fried with a mixed of spices, shallots, garlic, salt and pepper before it is set aside to cool. The duck eggs are de-shelled and the yolk set aside for centre of the chung. The dried chestnuts and shitake mushrooms had to be steeped overnight with water to soften it before being fried the next day. The dried prawns and oooh, the fatty pork had to be deep fried as well with kidney beans to make the filling. So, once your kitchen table is laden with everything, and before I forget, the dried bamboo leaves (from China, very expensive now) had to be soaked and washed and rinsed and kept moist and the ropes - essentially strings of bamboo shoots of sorts - are laid out.

You start. I mean, my mum starts performing her magic. You take the leaves and form a triangle then, you fill in a bit of rice, a bit of shallot, the fatty pork, mushrooms, kidney bean paste and top it with a lovely orange duck egg yolk before filling it with a bit more rice. Then, you twist - first to cover the top, across the back and loop back and before the whole thing unravels, you have to tie it up (quickly) with the little bit of string. First one, then two and before you know it, ten or a dozen chungs sits prettily waiting for the cauldron of water on the charcoal stove to boil so that it can be lowered gentily to cook in the heaving mass for the next 3-5 hours. You lift and peer into the great depths of the cauldron and see the water separate the chung makers. Those who made it through the hot water and survived to see the light of day are clearly winners at the complex business of chung-making. Mine usually ends up as unravelled bits of rice and leaves at the bottom of the cauldron to be thrown out at the end of the day. My mother's chung - after drying for a few more hours - open up to reveal the perfect chung. Not bound too loosely so that it burst in the heat or too tight that it results in a "tight" chang, it is the perfect chang - when you bite into it, you hit the fillings and your senses burst with the full flavour of the chang. I had two at one go.

I was homesick because Singapore was going slightly crazy with the Great Singapore Sale. And yearned for a good chang and there was none to be found - the kind you buy were either too salty or too tight or not made with the right filling. So, I drove home to eat chang. And my mum made some for me.

Jakarta. Plunged straight into the mad traffic jams where motorbikes, cars, vans, 'skuters' jostle with each other to get ahead. Mad policeman standing in the middle of the road trying to direct traffic. Lots of warungs lining the streets and oh, what's this? Sky rises, shopping malls, lots and lots of shopping malls.

Selamat Datang, Ibu. Hello? I'm not a mother. Then, I realised that in Bahasa Indonesia, "ibu" is a greeting for "madam". Then, every male is "pak" something-something. Standing in place of "encik". Selamat Sore - good afternoon. Ok, I'm all set.

Taxis - Bluebirds, Silverbirds and Goldbirds. I took a goldbird to the office, a silver bird to the palatial Hotel Mulia Senayan. Stopover at Raja Rasa, a fantastic indonesia restaurant doing javanese style cooking at Kemang (must try deep fried gurame and deep fried toufu), a Bangsar-like surburb. And JCo, the local version of KrispyKreme "donut&coffee" complete with the Starbucks-like Logo. Never say that Indonesians are not creative.

Work-work-work, meetings-meetings-meetings. Trying to make phone lines work. Figuring out how to order off the hotel menu, hotel broadband will only work if you plug line into socket - you are all right, Rebecca? Yes, yes. Jakarta is exactly like home. If only I'm less ditzy.

Food - oh, yes, warung food. I had sop daging, which was a spicy-beef-peppery soup for lunch on first day. Ayam Bakar, at the hotel. Then, nasi padang for lunch - where they pile dishes-upon-dishes of food on procelain plates one of top of the other (must be careful when trying to reach for dishes) and of warung ayam bakar and bakar tempeh and bakar taufu. Nice.

The eagle has landed, back home now in Singapore. All safe and sound. Happy to live with my fan. I switch off the aircon in my room in Hotel Mulia every night so that I don't freeze my butts off and every evening when I get back from work, it's on high again. Carbon reduction ie aircon off is obviously still a new concept.

And yes, must only hug women, not men (unless I want to be wife no 2 or 3 or 4). My Indonesian colleagues and I are fast friends after being together for 4 days+ thanks to bribery with JCo donuts and listening to me scream at the phone during my evening telecons. Tune into the Rebecca Channel - much more entertaining.

Birthday. An accidental celebration of sorts. For the past 2-3 years, I had avoided any major do during my birthday, just didn't feel like doing anything but one thing lead to another and before I know it, this year, it turned into a string of memorable moments that came together like a strange familiar medley that was my life.

I wanted to go home to see mummy and brother and to have dinner with my sister and nieces. So, begun the roadtrip last weekend, with little detours, like the one for lunch to Malacca and a walk down Jonker street with a white umbrella to enjoy the best assam laksa that Malacca can offer and a visit to an art gallery amid the sweltering heat of the mid day sun.

Dinner with sister and brother and 2 nieces at a Korean restaurant in Taipan with my nieces playing with their food. My mother called just as we were heading home and at home, I found my 2 aunties and my mum chatting excitedly after a full day at the Shah Alam Buddhist Association  preparing for the next day's charity fair. An early start on Sunday when my aunties woke me up to tell me that my mother's legs were swollen because she had stood up too long and that she couldn't sleep through the night. Not that mum will listen to me because she is passionate about her commitment to the cause. All I could do was to tell her to take it easy and rest when she can. My mother, who can cook very well, is oftimes called upon to work her magic in the kitchen. But even now, she still hasn't learnt to say 'no' even when it's good for her. A lifetime of helping others meant she makes willing sacrifice of her physical discomforts. Esp now when she is needed.

Then, the drive back with a detour to look for Kluang Train Station because they do the best coffee in south Johor and letting my little Marco Polo test out his upper torque limit. My birthday pressie was a pretty little pink ipod nano which then meant that I stayed up all night figuring out how to make the cute little gadget work which lead to me waking up late and leaving the house without my purse. No money, no driving license and clueless about what to do, my saviour was my colleague who kindly took me for lunch and then, my best friend called which meant I had dinner with Joy and Jon and a cake with cute 2 year old baby Kara. The chaos that followed her attempt to eat hokkien noodles by herself was quite amazing as was the clean up act by the hotel staff who were completely charmed by her toothy grin and happy demeanour. When I have a baby, it's got to be a happy baby like Kara, such a ray of sunshine she is.

Dinner party. Late start. Special thanks to my dear friend HuiBs convoluted instructions to get to my place and brought delicious couss-cous and fried vegs. But better late than never. Good food. Didn't really get to talk to Anju who was leaving the next day except that we will keep in touch. Jet setting pregnant mummies - Anju and FM, 2 pregnant women and 2 garnormous chocolate fudge cakes and all the May babies (Mark's on 29th and Chee Yu's on 13th) and 3 kids blowing out the birthday candles (all bowed over by curly candle sticks) and lots of sms-es and emails later, I was one tired and happy 30-something. The house had not had a party in a bit.

KarYin asked if I had any reflections. I guess I am just happy to be alive and well. I am content with what I have, don't want to change a thing. It's a nice feeling. Thank you to all who called, texted, emailed and sent me love notes. I love you all.

I am now fiddling around with my ipod nano, transferring my CD collection to this compact little thing no bigger than my eye makeup kit. Reading the new books given by family and friends. Gleaning new wisdom from the pages of books and life.

Uncle Charlie (Chua Chin Leong) passed away this week. I received a call from my older sister, Chee Hoong on Wednesday night and made arrangements to fly back on Friday morning for the wake held at Nirvana Memorial Centre at Salak South/Sungai Besi.

The Chen Family turned out in full force. He was not a Chen but married to the grande matriach, Khun Khoo and out of respect (and a fair amount of fear mixed in), the uncles, aunties, cousins, nieces and nephews came to pay their last respects. I saw my aunty sitting out front with my mum and told her that I was very sorry for her loss.

Theirs was a happy union. My uncle Charlie is a tall strapping man with glasses who loved his wife dearly. Without fail, after half an hour, if she has been away, he would ask where is his beloved? My sister says they are like two peas in a pod. He will be missed dearly because he is about the only one who can calm my aunty down when she is in a rage. He clearly loved his wife and they were very happy together. 

Khun Khoo's temper is legendary and she has the voice to match. When she is angry, she will put the fear of God in you. I know because I recall that there were harsh words spoken - I think I was 16 or 17 - for some reason (can't recall what) when my mum and I (not sure if it was with my dad) went to see her to ask for a loan. And she refused. I think she scolded my dad and my mum and said we were a disgrace to the family name or something like that. I cried bitter tears. Now, I was a tough cookie even then but she can make even me cry. And I supposed there was grudging respect for this tough woman, my dad's older sister who could speak the truth even when it hurts.

She has mellowed down over the years. She and Uncle Charlier were very kind to us. My mum said that when we were young (I can't remember now), we were always at her place. At my sister's wedding, I think she gave a gold bracelet to my sister. And over the past few Chinese New Years, we visited to pay our respects and our relations which were cool when dad was alive grew warmer.

This CNY, Uncle Charlie had a bad fall one week earlier. For some reason, when we came to visit, he wanted very much to talk to me and we spent a good half an hour talking. It was a strongly intimate kind of conversation, despite it being in the hall and in front of so many cousins listening in. By then, he was blind on one eye due to gloucoma and the other eye, he couldn't see very well because of his cataracts. And his voice had a frail, almost childlike quality.

He told me that he had a stroke and fell down unconscious. My aunty, Khun Khoo saw him lying down and called her son to pick them up and sent him to the hospital. The hospital did a brain scan and said that he might have a blockage in his brain and asked his permission to operate. He declined and was back at home at least for CNY. Last week, he felt uncomfortable again and they brought him to SJMC. Unfortunately, it was already too late. A blood vessel had burst in his brain (another stroke) and the lining of his brain had swollen up and the doctor had to drill two holes to relieve the pressure. His diabetes forced a kidney dialysis which was too much for his body to handle. His blood pressure dropped and he never woke up.

Yesterday it was Khun Khoo's turn to cry. She wept for her dearly beloved for he will be sorely missed. He was a good man, kind and generous and clever too for through the course of their lifetime, they have managed to finance the purchase of a few properties which had ensured a comfortable retirement from rental income. His ashes will be scattered at sea.

In our last conversation together, during CNY, I was moved by how our roles have switched. He needed to tell someone about his fall. I was chosen to listen. I heard not just his fear of what is happening to his body but also his fear of what will happen in the future (though unspoken). It hurts this process of growing old...

His wife, Khun Khoo will be a widow like my mother. My mother stepped into the role of comforter and friend. She also stepped back in time to relieve my own father's passing. She was quite ideally suited for the role. I'm quite proud of her because the Chen Family had not always been kind and yet, she could find in her the grace to forgive and (sometimes) to forget.

My sister, Chee Hoong came to pick us up and we went to Taipan for a Mother's Day Lunch. It was the first time that my mum had Korean food. She liked the kim-chi, the grilled pork ribs and the many-many plates of preserved veggies and pickles. She is now cooking away in the kitchen, busy with preparations for tonight's party. She was asked to prepare vegetarian food for a full moon party. Life goes on. Uncle Charlie will be sorely missed by all who knew him.

My houseguests arrived on election day on March8 and left this week Tuesday. B and his wife, SL and 3+ month old baby A made themselves as comfortable as they can be and we all watched the Malaysian Election Results coverage on Channelnewsasia and RTM...switching back and forth depending on our whimsy. We all cheered when the Sungai Siput results came out and Samy Vellu was ousted and the Lembah Pantai seat and Penang fell. We woke up the next day to the news that it was a new dawn with 5 states, including Selangor having fallen to Opposition hands. So, I was chuckling to myself at the phrases of political tsunami being bandied around.

We now have a shadow government and it was fun to read about the new MPs flexing their muscles on Wednesday with the first day of the seating of the new House of Parliment. The rules had to be rewritten before they got down to business as usual but we shall separate the weeds from the chaff along the way. Need to prune some of the excessive pride and incompetence from the government offices. So, what if there was name calling (Big Foot and Big Monkey both shook hands after the parlimentary seating was over)?

B was down in SG because he had nose cancer and decided to get treatment at NUH and stayed with me for convenience as my house was just up the road from NUH. I was happy to have the company although I had to relearn how to live in a family again. Joy came over with the baby's cot and the first day of treatment was slightly traumatic for all of us because we didn't know what to expect. It consists of strapping him onto a specially constructed space suit and lying very still while 30 mins goes by and you get zapped by x-ray. He felt hot and tired afterwards. The women rallied around him. SL's mum, a fantastic lady made soup and liang cha and SL drove after the treatment so that he could rest. 

When in crisis mode, I get busy so, little things I can help with, I will. At first it was boredom management. B only had 3 things he liked to do - work, golf and cars. He couldn't work much as he was away, he couldn't golf because it was too hot but we did go to test drive the new VW 1.4GT Sport for the heck of it. I drove and when I push down the accelerator, I really could hit 100km/h in 8secs flat on the 175horsepower turbocharged and supercharged engine. I was tempted but ultimately, decided not to upgrade my little VW polo to the new GT sport. I agonised over the decision for 2 weeks, what can I say, test driving a sports car can be addictive. So, do it at your peril. 

Baby A grew big and strong over the course of 8 weeks while his father coped well despite fatigue for the first 6 weeks. Towards the last 2 weeks, boredom management switched over to pain management as the dosage he received was stronger and he started suffering from sores in his throat and mouth and gums. Swallowing became difficult and eating and drinking, almost a necessary evil. The pain was kept at bay with first, liquid morphine then, tablets and there was a jubilation as we counted down the days till the end of his treatment. Finally, last week Friday, the last day of treatment and the mood was joyous.

Then, reality sets in. There was a throat infection and more medication. He still needs at least another 2 weeks to recover but nothing was going to stop him from coming home. So with the doctor's blessing, B came home and the family rejoiced and there was much gladness. He had lost (and is still losing) a fair bit of weight (almost back to his secondary school self although we have to search hard for the 6pack) and he has burnt marks on his neck (battlescars to show for his ordeal) and he has to deal with a recovering throat so lots of phelgm. A while yet, before he can eat normally but patience, we will get there in a bit.

My house was like a ghost house after they left. You can hear a pin drop. I had gotten used to stuff and people and activities when I came home every evening. I have gotten so much out of the whole cancer treatment thing - watching SL learn a whole new language consisting of distinguishing B's wants and needs through grunts and gestures (charades, anyone?), B learning to write instead of talk as he found it too painful to speak, watching SL's mum interact with baby B who was clearly in love with his grandma.

Watching B and SL together coping through a difficult time was exhausting but ultimately, very enriching. Life is a box of chocolate, you never know what you are going to get. I don't wish anyone to ever have to go through radiation therapy. But I hope that when an episode like the one we just had comes along, we could all cope with courage, a sense of humour and grace. The last thing I think we need to add to an already stressful situation is an overdose of sympathy and tears. The fear, are beasts we kept at bay by fighting the tumour every step of the way. B is a fighter who married a warrior queen. I have much admiration of the women who keep the family going when the going gets tough.  

Out of this, I have learnt to count my blessings - good health, loving family, supportive friends.